Grace & peace

I awoke at 2am feeling very worried, confused & especially, guilty.  I am having a few weeks off BSF,  to rest, which is very strange. I am not feeling well today, physically, so I decided not to go to chuch today. felt guilty about that. After a little prayer It occurred to me that the Lord doesn't want me to feel like this, He wouldn't give me these feelings in order to make me feel dreadful! So I listened to the 2nd half of Dwight Saunders speaking on Laying Down your Life here, http://vimeopro.com/phoenixfirst/services and then there was a sermon called from Worrier to Warrior, that seemed appropriate so I listened to that too. It was taken from the story of Gideon & I found it very helpful, then I was able to go to sleep.

The Idea of not going to BSF is very strange, I depend on BSF for discipline to read the Word every day. So today I am thinking, will I read the word every day? Hope so!  I suppose if I lived far from a BSF I would have to. There's the Bible-in-a-year thing readily available online & of course we do actually read the bible at church, Ste asks us to read the coming week's text every day in preparation. I rarely do cos of BSF. So I will start there, reading Revelation 7 this morning with the kids.
Well, I say this morning but it's already 11am, two are watching tv downstairs and my teens are abed.

Oh how I miss BSF!

Well, it's two weeks since BSF (my wonderful Bible Study class) broke up for the summer.  And I must say I have barely read the bible or prayed in my own time.  Obviously I read/listen to the bible in Church & fellowship group, and I do pray at night with the kids & at prayer meeting. But this is NOT ENOUGH for me!  These are proscribed times of the week when I will be doing these things.  Add them up. It comes to about 7 hours of the week. 
I thought I had become the sort of person who loves to pray & read the bible. But no, I am still the sort of person who needs a regular bible-reading-scheme to discipline me into it. 
I don't need to be specifically praying or reading the bible 168 hours in a week, but that IS how many hours my God loves & sustains me, forgives, cherishes, develops, puts His plans into action for me. That is how much I need to share every corner of my life with Him, my Creator, my LIFE.
He is Amazing & Wonderful and It is ME who is missing out!
As was mentioned in our sermon this week, 
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! "
(1 Corinthians 10:12)
Thank You God for still wanting me!

Yes I know, prayer isn't always easy. But once I stop putting it off & just get down to it, I am always so blessed & I wonder why I didn't reach out for Him in the first place.

erm, my discipline philosophy for aspergers!

I was getting this written down for a friend, I thought I'd shove it on here for your perusal.
 How I will love my aspergers child.
This is my philosophy for the moment, and I’m sticking to it until new revelation is provided!
While I was in the maelstrom of learning about Fred’s diagnosis, I had just finished reading/ studying “Instruments in the redeemer’s hands” by Paul David Tripp, which exposes how basically EVERYTHING we do is sinful, our hearts being a battlefield between the Kingdom of Me & the Kingdom of God. I had this very much in mind when I went along to a six-morning ASD course provided by the council. This course told me what ASD is, what differences Fred may have, and why. (and of course ASD was presented  NOT from a point-of-view that all children are sinful!) and how I must be endlessly patient, understanding, not condemning, in fact there seemed no mention of naughtiness, quite as if the concept doesn’t exist!

I got in quite a tizzy because of course I wanted to be that endlessly patient, never condemning mum, selflessly putting up with his naughty, tiresome, puerile habits…But It seemed to be exactly at odds with everything I’d been learning in church.  It was an awful couple of weeks, including having a bit of a bust-up with my friend-and-peer over the whole thorny issue. I DO believe in discipline, honest!

A Christian book about special needs reminded me that:

Fred is made in God’s image

God has already made a special plan for Fred’s life AND had prepared good works for him to do. And God’s purposes will not be thwarted!

God HAS provided EVERYTHING Fred needs.  And EVERYTHING I need to mother him.

GOD loves Fred SO MUCH that while Fred was/is DEAD in sin and transgression, Jesus DEFINITELY found it worthwhile dying in terrible circumstances & pain, SUFFERING the force of the full wrath of God for Fred’s sin.

SO I was desperately, fervently praying, God help me know what to do!

While this happened I heard about an acquaintance of mine who was adopting a child from an eastern European orphanage.

While dandling her adoptee, she noticed in a gloomy corner a largish baby, (age 2 or 3?) lying still and silent for hours. No toys nearby, no-one stopped at the cot to say hello the whole time they were there.

She asked about this particular baby & was told, He has never responded to ANY stimulus of any nature. They feed him, clean him, and really have tried, but the child had never shown any signs of “life” so they have given up.

My acquaintance was struck by how this is like us, how unresponsive we were to God before He drew us near. We were as good as dead, no use, no fun, not worth loving, absolutely no hope or guarantee that we would ever amount to anything.

What did God do for us in that situation?  He adopted us as full heirs! To share in His grace & glory!

So she adopted that child too.  She knows he may NEVER smile, talk, walk, laugh, obey, or give any kind of return for her efforts. But she knows it is worth loving him unconditionally because Christ did.

This is what the Lord put on my plate when I was desperately asking him how I should deal with Fred. It is How God loves me & I am copying it.

Yes of course I must teach & train Fred in the ways of the Lord, I tell him when he is doing wrong. Endlessly! But In a patient way PROVIDED BY GOD! And I do not take his behaviour personally.

And sometimes, when I’ve forgotten the above, I shout, scream & smack!

And it doesn’t make him be good!

So! That’s where we are.  It makes me look lax at times, I know. Yes he seems to be getting away with a lot of cheekiness & such.  I ALWAYS have a word with him later, in private.  Explaining about how our saviour asks us to act like Him & provides us with every spiritual blessing so we CAN behave!

And that is a big part of why Fred is no longer in school, I think. Because if it takes all day to simply Do our little morning devotion & follow Christ, then obviously we are going to have to skip school!

I have no advice for you, I just wanted to present my philosophy for your consideration!